Most individuals who want children plan out all the details (as if they control it) WELL before it ever happens. For example, how they’re children should look, how they’ll act, what activities they’ll participate in, etc.
Imagine entering the Build-a-infant shop and picking and choosing personality traits, talents, physical features, strengths, weaknesses…all the qualities that will make the “perfect” child.
“I want my baby to have your eyes” – Drake (“Finesse” on Scorpion)
I fall victim of this far too many times. No I don’t have children and in no shape or form am I ready to have children at this very moment, but I can’t deny the fact that I have baby fever wayyy too often, mainly due to the endless cute videos and photos floating up and down my social media timeline.
I imagine what he/she would look like, if they’d be a writer like me, what they’re favorite food would be, or if they’d be funny and have an endless personality to light up the room.
As the cuteness surface of babies laughing, saying funny (“too grown”) comments, and matching outfits with their parents…I also can’t help but to realize that having children isn’t ALL glamorous and it’s nothing like playing house or barbie dolls.
Your children are actually human beings and their livelihood is placed in your hands. THAT’S A BIG DEAL because they didn’t ask to be here and you have a responsibility to make them as safe, educated, and independent as possible. However, the truth is when raising Black children in an Anti-Black Trump Society…it’s hard to ensure safety.
I can’t help but to think about sitting my daughter down one day to tell her that she has to protect herself from people who do not value or love her the way she deserves to be loved, for she is a queen who should always be treated as such! I’d tell her that she is beautiful just the way that she is no matter what anyone says and that she does not need validation from anyone or anything else. I’d inform her that being a Black woman is a double edged sword and that it is important to love yourself FIRST, value your self-worth, be intellectually powerful, and know that nothing worth having ever comes easy.
I can’t help but to think about sitting down my son and painfully informing him that he is a threat to society, but he is the most beautiful thing in the word. I’d have to show him cases of Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, and the several other Black men who lost their lives too soon. CRIME = BEING BLACK! I’d tell him that he must walk around the world being mindful of his Blackness, while simultaneously being unapologetically Black. I’d tell him to always use wisdom, follow his dreams, and be a leader!
The job of a parent is never done. It’s a daily role that you have for the entirety of your life from day one. There is no such thing as a part-time parent. You either succeed in the job or you fail, but keep in mind whatever you do sticks with your child for the entirety of their lives and you have the power to make or break them.
Not to mention, the constant thought and worry of something happening to one of your children or listening to the hurt and pain that they may encounter one day is undeniably scary. It’s hard knowing that no matter what you tell them…they still have to live throughout the world on their own and make their own decisions.
As a “millennial”, the thought of having children is a scary thought, but my advice to anyone is to make sure you’re ready for the job and remember its not always glamourous! It’s a huge responsibility and your child trusts YOU, so you don’t ever want to let them down.
Image: Photo by nappy from Pexels
Brytnie Devon 
This was so great! I don’t have kids but I think about this a lot too. I’m going to have to sit my kids down and have some very tough conversations with them and their life with depend on it.
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You’re so right! It’s sad that we live in a society like this. I definitely plan on having those serious conversations whenever I have children, in order to ensure they are safe.
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I am the mother of a 13-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. I only thought about their personality before they arrived, I never thought about how they would look. I have so many talks with them about a million different things. I taught them to value and protect their bodies as toddlers. I never forced them to hug people, and I did not allow people to hug them without permission. We take it day by day, some topics are light and others are heavy. All are very necessary.
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This post hurt my heart. I have a 2 year old son whom I love dearly. However, anybody who knows me knows that I never wanted a son. i said it for years; probably since I was in high school. When they asked why, I always said that my heart can’t handle raising a black boy in this society. But for some reason, God saw fit to give me a little boy. While it worries me, I like to think that I was given this boy because his destiny is far too bright to be dampened by the closed mind of those succumbing to the Trump era.
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This post was So real. I don’t have children either and I totally fear these aspects of bearing children in this day and age. It’s always been a struggle for us, but this just feels like a level of mental torment that is So hard for a child to have to bear. I pray it gets better for our future generations.
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This post is right on time. I’m a mom of three and a millennial. It’s definitely not easy and it’s almost never glamorous. Plus, when you throw in being a young black mom with three boys it is hard to guarantee that things will ever be easy for them.
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I have a son and a daughter and let me tell you I have always worried about their safety but in this Trump era, my nerves are shot. I want my children to be recognized for who they are and be able to grow up and become senior citizen some day. Having to worry if they will make it into their twenties is no joke.
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I’m expecting my firstborn in a few months, and when I found out he was a he, I was so happy. But that joy was immediately followed by the thought of how he will navigate the world as a young black man. Shame we have to even worry about things like that.
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I have a 7 year old daughter. One thing Motherhood has taught me is to be fearless. The Serenity Prayer , her amazing Father and wine gets me thru the tough times.
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As a mom of adult children and grandmom, I can say that I haven’t seen it this bad. But what I do know is that I trust God with my kids and give them the truth so they are aware of the times we live in.
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All of this – I’m scared for my child and will be having those tough convos really soon!
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